LOVELY ABBY: “Chloe,” my 23-year-old daughter, stays with me and doesn’t respond to the emails and letters that her grandma sends to our house. Four years have passed since my mother last saw Chloe. Chloe’s seeming distance is leaving my mother feeling hurt and more dissatisfied. (Our home is 20 miles away.)
I’ve been politely asking Chloe to respond to her grandmother’s wonderful emails and letters for the past year or so. Usually, she listens to what I have to say before turning and leaving. My mum and I are very close and devoted to one another. She is the best mother and grandmother in the world, in my opinion. My daughter and I also get along well and love each other very much. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to give her a secure and pleasant home, an excellent education, and other fair needs.
I’m having trouble because I’m beginning to feel trapped in the center of this growing communication chasm. The fact that Chloe no longer participates in any family gatherings makes me feel uncomfortable when I am there. My kid refuses to recognise her grandmother and the rest of our extended, very large family, which indicates that something has caused her to do so. How am I supposed to break the ice here? — A DAD IN THE MIDDLE OF VIRGINIA
HEY DAD, You have an adult daughter. She is presumably accountable for her own actions, not you. Chloe withdrew from her grandma and the rest of the clan four years ago for reasons that neither you nor I are aware of (otherwise you would have stated). Dad, get out of the way and let your daughter deal with the consequences of shunning the entire family. This cannot be fixed. That can only be done by Chloe.